31635 county rd 10
Las Animas, Co 81054
October 27, 2010
Carl Lindauer
Las Animas, Co 81054
Dear Mr. Lindauer,
From the past years that you have been here, I’m sure you have seen the gym ceiling in better shape. A new gym ceiling would be a great project and it would help benefit the school. The student body would be much happier to announce that there was a new ceiling in our gym. If we got a new gym ceiling, the ventilation would be much better. The air would be much cooler and a lot less people would complain about the heat. We could get new speakers so whenever our athletes are warming up, they have something to listen to. While installing the new ceiling, we could figure out a way to put air conditioners into the ceiling.
The bad problem about having a new gym ceiling is money. The school has been trying to budget our money. But with a bunch of different kinds of fundraisers, we could pull it off maybe after a couple years. Trying to decide when and how long it would take to make a new ceiling wouldn’t be hard. I think summer would be the best time to make it. If we did make it during school or a break, there wouldn’t be enough time to get it finished. Then that would be a problem for our athletes and students who have gym. Thank you for taking your time to read this letter. I hope you will think long and hard about this one.
Sincerely,
J. Fritz
Jessica,
ReplyDeleteThere is an error to your logic in the first paragraph. Simply installing a new ceiling will not increase ventiliation. We would have to install vents above the ceiling to do this. Make sure you mention this in proper order.
Secondly, while grammar errors are at a minimum here, you have a few in the addresses. You don't want grammar errors to be the first impression your audience has of your writing.
Lastly, in your first paragraph, introduce your own observations. Obviously Mr. Lindauer has seeen the ceiling, but what have you noticed. This is easy: "In my first ten weeks as a freshman at Las Animas, one part of the school that disgusts me is..."
A good start! I look forward to your final draft!
Mr. Armstrong